Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
