the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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