people are starting to question the shark bite story
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
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