I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
