Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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