we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
