I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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