Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
