why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Randomize
