plz talk dirty to me
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
