I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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