you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
