im about as happy as oj after his trial
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
