This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
