I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
