Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
