I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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