That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
and you fell through a lawn chair
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
