Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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