The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
