I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
We named our party play list daddy issues
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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