next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
