Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
