Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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