You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
