I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
