your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
