I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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