at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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