just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Just puked most of my soul out..
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
