I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
