just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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