So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
