Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
