have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I want to fling myself into the sun
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
