why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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