He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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