walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
