I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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