Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
