i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
