oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
