So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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