he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
