I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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