this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
