y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
