HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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