You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
