They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
