who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
