Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
